what i would say, could i.

hey.


i heard a blackbird this morning and i thought of you.
sitting by your window, smoking from your pipe, feeling the vibrations from the stereo system rise and fall.
it reminded me of the way you stare through me, the way you lose yourself in thought.
just like how you lose yourself in the idea of fate.
it reminded me of how i thought i could save you.
and then decided that was impossible.
and then how i tricked myself back to thinking that i could.

i saw the sunset last night and i thought of you.
i remembered weaving in and out of weeds, thorns pricking at our skin, and kissing in a stranger's backyard like rebellious teens.
trespassing on the tracks, holding you tight in the light of the train in the middle of the night.
i remembered the way your heart beat, how it jumped from your chest into my hands.
and how we spent the night on the concrete, beneath the light polluted sky.

i smelled the blue flowers today and i thought of you.
i saw you standing in the fields again, looking for something you'd never find.
it reminded me of the way your hair lit up with sunlight, brought a golden glow to your dark demeanor.
and i remembered how, sometimes, you would come back to life for a flicker of a second.
just long enough to make me believe that there was hope.
just long enough to make me understand my fault.


i just thought you should know.