she's been everybody else's girl. maybe one day, she'll be her own...

sometimes the world spins around me like my distance vision in these reading glasses.
it all seems fine for a moment, until you realize that nothing is in focus and everything is warped at the edges.
it's not like being flat out drunk, lying on your back, with the ceiling spinning...
it's different.
because at least you have the illusion of things being clear and making sense.
but it all disappears when you make the slightest movement, and reality comes, twisting and turning and blurring, at your face.

when the dust settles, what is left?
i'm back to my old self again.
alone, lonely, but in a familiar place.
i'm my high school self, but quieter.
quiet in my mind.
i've learned to hush my emotions.
they're still here, still powerful...
but i'm learning to control them.
set them aside.

sometimes i succeed.

i've been listening to too much tori for my own good.
but that doesn't mean i'll ever stop.


and i'm fully aware that none of this post will make sense to most people.
but that's ok with me.