recipes.

there is honey in my tea.
something unexpected. something new.
i suppose i needed a bit of sweetness in my life.
i suppose i need a lot of things.
for now, honey will do.
it must do.

it's a teaspoon of regret.
a tablespoon of apology.
an ounce of melancholy.

my father leaves for amstelveen today.
mother's birthday is on sunday.
and i didn't visit tierney, like i had promised.
my family is caring for me.
am i caring for them in return?
never well enough.

at the bottom, it becomes a syrup.
sticky, sickeningly so.
bittered by my thoughts.
excruciating with my memories.
he took honey in his tea.
or shortbread alongside.
he'll only take medicine if it's followed by sweet.
if it could simply put me to sleep...

an ounce of emotion.
tablespoon of desire.
and a teaspoon of reason.