the best thing about soy candles is that they last forever.

i've been doing a lot of heavy posting recently.
frankly, it's because there has been a lot to post heavily about.
but despite the rigmarole, the ups and downs, the epiphanies and the nightmares,

tonight, i have hope.

i have hope for the world and its problems.
i have hope for this country and its roller coasters.
i have hope for this city and the people who live in it.
i have hope for my family. (well, part of my family.)
i have hope for my friends, for their struggles and yearning.
and lastly, i have hope for myself.

i don't know why.
i don't know what kind.
but i have hope for myself.

at this moment, here at 8:17 pm,
sitting in my bedroom ,
in the northeast corner of the house,
at the end of the road,
in the development furthest east of penfield,
in northwestern new york,
i have hope.

it's taken an odd set of circumstances to remove myself from my body.
i've been able to see my past in someone else's present, and in that present lies my future.
because life is a cycle.
it's not just the BornLiveDie cycle, but the WinLoseTie cycle too.
and i have been born, and have lived a fraction of my life.
but during my time on earth, i have won, i have lost, and i have tied.
and i have done it all over again.
and again.
and again.
but the reason i never accepted it was because i never understood.
i knew, but couldn't grasp the idea that the cycle of life is universal.
i am not the only one feeling pain and sorrow. or helplessness and discomfort. or agony and uncertainty.
and i am not the only one feeling lost or misguided, cheated or forgotten.
i am not the only one.
i am not alone.

so while i understand-finally-that my turn will soon come, i take comfort in knowing that it too will pass.
it must. otherwise, the cycle will break, and the world will fall.
and the only reason for the cycle to break is for you to allow it to break you first.

i know i'm stronger than that.
and i know you are, too.

this too shall pass.
❤