old bones.

i have many things i could write about floating on through my head now.
the scent of mango and coconut milk from the candle on my table.
the coldness of this room and the way it evaporates when i sip my tea.
the small movements my tiny kitten makes as he changes position at my feet.

but more than anything, i need to muse about the world.
because i am losing faith in everything that once made sense to me.

love is not commitment, but lust.
marriage is not love, but commitment.
commitment is not a duty, but love.

for all i know, yes means no, and the world spins backwards.
everything is equally possible to me now.

do i know my friends as i thought i did?
did i know them too well, and did i choose to forget?
did i know them and know that i wished them different?
or that i wished them the same...

do i know what it is to care?
to feel the pain of another as much if not more so?
do i feel too much? do i feel what isn't felt by others?

i do feel too much.
i do cry too fluidly.
i do hate so vehemently.
i do love too deeply.

is there anyone like me, whose emotions are linked to those they care about most?
do you burn a thousand fires when a friend is wronged?
do your eyes well up with tears when another is disheartened?

is there something wrong with me, or am i meant to be the one who feels just to feel? who does just to do? and who knows just to know?

do i live just to live, or am i here for a reason?